Anger, Love, and the Holy Spirit

I've been feeling really angry lately. Angry at L. How can she do this to me? How can she be so misleading? Why is she putting me through this after so much love I've shown her? How could she be so blind as to how happy we were and could be? Why can't she just suck it up and make a @#$!ing decision? Angry at other people involved in this situation. How can somebody be so selfish? Angry at myself. How could I fall in love with somebody so much and allow myself to be so hurt? Anger plagues me throughout the day. The enemy is trying to consume me with it. Why am I so angry? Rejection and betrayal are part of it. In the dictionary, rejection is defined as "dismissed as inadequate, inappropriate, or not to one's tastes." That's how I feel sometimes. It is a blow to my pride.

But you know what? The way I'm dealing with this is truly a testament to how the Holy Spirit is working within me because just seeing the way in which I am dealing with this, I know it isn't me. It's the HS working through me. First of all, anytime I start feeling angry, the HS allows me to quickly know that all of those questions above are false. I don't agree with everything she did but I know that L is not trying to mislead me. She didn't mean to do this. She loves me. I trust her. Secondly, instead of choosing to remain angry I choose to respond with love and humility. A year or two ago, I would have responded a lot differently. More than likely, I would have physically hurt a certain somebody (not L) as that is well within my capabilities. I might have yelled and screamed at her and ended up saying things I would regret. I probably would have done a multitude of other stupid things. The enemy tries to put these invalid questions in my head to make me forget the awesome person that L is. He is trying to make me lose sight of the wonderful person that I fell so in love with. Most of all, he is trying to make me forget that I have a God that loves me and is not trying to harm me. The devil knows that but he is trying to throw me off course.

So whenever I get angry and start thinking of all these questions, I choose to not let the enemy be victorious over me. I refuse to be blinded and lose sight of my deep love for L. I refuse to be be blinded and lose sight of God's great plans for me. I choose to be humble and submit to what my heavenly Father has in store for me. I choose to trust God.